Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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