yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
