who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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