So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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