Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
