I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
