That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
