No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
