I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
