Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
