im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My cat gives me a boner
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
