I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
