dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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