dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
do nipples grow back?
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