you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this will be a night to untag.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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