dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
