literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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