You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
