It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
