Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
