So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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