Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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