she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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