Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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