Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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