Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
