I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
