I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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