I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
