a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
