exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
