I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
