first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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