my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
