Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
