You're completely useless in the revolution.
she looked like the before picture.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
