i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
