Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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