I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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