Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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