i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
