i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
