I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
