R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
