**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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