Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
