They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In other news, I just burned my penis
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
