connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
