That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
