What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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