drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
